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  • Writer's pictureKaty Berritt

Help! I’m a social media dinosaur!

Oh, wait, this isn’t right. This picture makes me look like I’m this fierce predator who’s out there conquering the world of social media.

Unfortunately, I’m not.

Sadly, this is me, the little guy on the right that all the other social media predators pick on and eventually eat because all those other guys are smarter, faster and were probably born with apps already hardwired into their brains.

Don’t believe me: you should hear the things they say.

  • What do you mean you still have a flip phone? Nobody has a flip phone anymore. How can you download an app or text people if all you have is a flip phone?

Fine, I finally broke down and bought an iPhone. But only because I lost my flip phone.

  • How can you not have a Facebook page?

Facebook hates me. It won’t let me connect with Friends. I don’t understand. What do you mean they have to accept my Friend request? Aren’t they already my friends? We email all the time.

  • What do you mean that you still use email?

I’m sorry but I understand email. I can use a keyboard when I email. I don’t have to have thumbs that bend in directions that God never intended them to bend to type on onscreen letters that are so small my cat can’t hit them accurately.


I guess I shouldn’t mind being a dinosaur. My granddaughter loves dinosaurs. She has dinosaur books and dinosaur stickers and a plastic dinosaur that roars. She even has a big purple stuffed dinosaur she sleeps with.

I think all kids love dinosaurs, although I don’t know why since the one they usually love best is the T-Rex, and isn’t that the one that will eat you?

Frankly, I hate social media. I get confused.

Is twitter the one that you have to use hashtags, and what exactly is a hashtag. I thought # was used to represent numbers. Oh, I’m told the hashtag thing is Instagram. Fine. But why do I have to have a billion different hashtag thingies to post one comment. Who can think of a billion different hashtag thingies?

That’s why I’m hiring help.

They can worry about all the hashtags and the friend requests, and figuring out if I should be on TikTok or Twitter or whatever. I’m happy to pay them. I just hope the dinosaur doesn’t eat me if I’m late with my payment.

The Candy Capers. Due out May 26, 2022 If you order prior to the publication date of May 26, 2022, you may use the promo code: PREORDER2022 to receive a 15% discount.

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